Haunted by recurring dreams of Hea-Thor (Denise Ames), a gorgeous cavegirl,and a menacing Allosaurus, action-movie star Tony Markham (Jeff Rector) soon finds himself transported, by means of a magic Icon, back through time to Dinosaur Valley. Now trapped in world of dangerous dinosaurs, grunting cavemen and a tribe of exotic, love-starved cavegirls, Tony must put his modern-days skills to extreme tests in order to survive prehistoric perils, win the cavegirl of his dreams and (maybe) return to his own time?
This movie does not deliver in any way. If you're looking for a funny low-budget flick, sorry, you're out of luck. The acting is terrible, the scenes flat, and the staging horrendous. Also, it's WAY too boring to have fun watching, even with a bunch of drunk friends. If you're looking for soft-core porn, you'll be even more disappointed. Some breasts at the beginning and scattered through the middle, and one sex scene with precious little nudity and no eroticism whatsoever are the only porn-like moments of the film. There is maybe a minute's worth of boobies in this long, boring flick. The movie's one saving grace: the ridiculous soundtrack. The self-indulgent director Glut records himself singing two lovely tunes. The first, "Jurassic Punk," is unforgettable, and shown music video-style over a montage of cave girls trying to dance sexily but looking like doofuses and a stop-motion allosaur rubbing its teeth on a plastic stegosaur. The second, "Dinosaur Valley Girls," runs over the closing credits and is not quite as memorable, but still quite catchy. Actually worth the rental for the songs, but just fast forward the rest of the movie. 2 out of 10.
Considering the stellar cast and comments in other forums, and the availability of "Director's Cut" and "Family" editions, I was expecting a sex comedy with dinosaurs. If you want one of those, see the much more entertaining _Dinosaur Island_.
This is a dumb cave man comedy, with women who expose their breasts now and then. Considering the Los Angeles women in animal skin bikinis motif, the costumes are not particularly flattering. There's very little sex in it, and the ever-radiant Griffin Drew gets very little screen time and hardly does anything but smile and sunbathe a little.
There are some stop-action dinosaurs, but they're rather stiff and simple. There are also some real lizards that only make the stop-action dinosaurs look even less real.
For a better dumb cave man comedy, see _When Women Had Tails_ or _Cave Man_ For the definitive babe in a doeskin bikini, _One Million Years BC_ still has not been surpassed. 646f9e108c
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